“23 Years After the Attacks”

I had never imagined that my husband, a subway employee, would die while working. I rushed from work because he was transported to the hospital. In front of our eldest son, hanging his head and sitting down, was the pale face of my husband with his now cold body. He has spent the night at work the previous night, and had just told me on the phone that he was looking forward to our wedding anniversary trip in May.

The police that performed the autopsy said that there would be a judicial autopsy the next day, so I returned home. My body and mind were confused and I was nervous, and I do not think that my head and arms were functioning as one body.

The requests for news interviews was too much. From morning to late at night, I did not have time to eat let alone sleep. I was asked when I knew it was caused by Aum Shinrikyo, but after all these years I don’t remember.

Victim, Kazumasa Takahashi’s medical charts (Provided by Shizue Takahashi)

15 years after the attacks, I happened to come across the medical charts of the hospital where my husband was transported. I did not focus on the words written on them. The person who was with me read them. It was written that I visited two and a half months after the attacks.

22 years after the attacks, I visited a museum in New York showing items left behind by the victims of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Then I saw a death certificate provided by a family member. The person who was guiding me said that although the body had not been found, there was a check in the box next to murder. They saw my face, and handed me a handkerchief.

Kazumasa Takahashi’s death certificate (Provided by Shizue Takahashi)

After returning home, I searched for my husband's death certificate. I remember that "death due to poisoning by organophosphorus compounds” was written. When I looked closely, there was a check in the small box for “homicide".

I wonder why I had never noticed it. I had received it eight months after the attacks. Criminal trials had already begun and civil lawsuits by victims and survivors were being prepared.

I thought I had overcome all of the problems by now, but in retrospect, there are various things that I had overlooked, did not notice, and left undone. Not only was my husband murdered in the subway sarin gas attacks, but I will always continue to be shaken.

(December 11, 2017)